R and I have bee married for almost 1 month! Time flies. It feels like we've been married so much longer than that. We are loving married life. I have really learned so much and come to so many realizations about marriage and romance and thought I'd share some of those with you.
So here it goes:
1. Your wedding day really has nothing to do with the rest of your marriage. Yes, it is a beautiful and fun day filled with family and friends. It is fun to plan and prepare...but I am so glad that I did not overdo it, and I would encourage others not to either. In the end, you are married and it doesn't matter that the cakes were the wrong color or that you forgot to wear the sweater you so carefully picked out for the reception. It won't matter that you spend hours picking out the perfect centerpieces, because not many people will remember them anyway. Memories will fade, and the details that seemed so important won't be. You will be married regardless, and after a few weeks people will stop talking about your wedding, and life will go on.
2. Marriage is about putting the other person first, every day. No, this is not natural or easy. But I believe marriage is about looking out for that other person and putting their needs first. The days where I have been able to do this have been the best days of our marriage (so far). Some days you need to wake up thirty minutes early to make sure you have time to get your husbands lunch together, because you know he will forget to make it for himself. Some days you need to agree to watch that weird Netlix show Wilfred because he's had a rough day and you know it makes him laugh. Marriage is not about getting what you want or need from your spouse; it is about putting your spouses wants and needs above your own. And (newsflash) your spouse should be doing the same for you.
3. Some days are less romantic than others, and that's OK. Some days your husband is going play video games while you waste away hours on Pinterest, instead of being romantic newlyweds and cuddling on the couch or going on dates. And that's OK. Because it's good to be able to do separate things...together.
4. Independence doesn't have to end with marriage. I think this was one of the biggest worries I had before I got married; that I would lose the independence I had grown so accustomed to. But a healthy marriage should allow room for independence. Some days you might go hang out with friends separately. And that is so important! Some days you will go to a friends house straight from work and let your husband fend for himself for dinner; because you need girl time. And that is a good thing.
5. Being married means making decisions together. This is one of my favorite things about marriage so far. Having a partner to defer to over little things and big things really changes the game of decision making. It's not just me anymore. So far in our marriage, we made the decision together that I was going to accept a new job offer. This was a HUGE decision. And I thank the Lord that I didn't have to make it on my own. Talking through the pros and cons, and spending time in prayer with my husband over this was such a special time, and made the decision that much sweeter.
6. Marriage is about letting go and starting fresh. I am mostly speaking about practical things with this. When we got married, R moved into the apartment I had been living in for 3 months by myself. I had it set up exactly the way I wanted. I was comfortable and had gotten used to doing things a certain way. When R moved in, he brought an abundance of (manly) things that didn't exactly fit with the vibe of my apartment. He wanted a new mattress and asked if we could get rid of the "girly" bedding I had so carefully chosen. So, we bought two tall shelves from Target so we had room to display his pipe collection, Louis Lamour books, and record player. We got a new mattress. We packed away my old bedding. And you know what? It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was just happy to be sharing a space with my best friend, and I loved to see him happy. It made me happy to start fresh and create an home that he felt comfortable in. This was another thing I was nervous about before getting married. But letting go wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, because letting go meant I had more room to start fresh with R.
I can't wait to continue learning with R. It has been a fun month, and a month of growth and new realizations. Maybe I'll share some more with you as time goes on.
I'd love to hear some more insights, feel free to share!